Independence Day.....

So... it's the 4th of July.. Independence day.... i celebrated my independence by working..... yay... but hey, i got time and a half... so that's okay with me. Although i had to put up with really horrible patriotic songs today... especially religious/patriotic songs which REALLY annoy me.... ughhhhhh. anyways, then i went to church. then i headed home and stopped at Bueno on the way... totally not on my diet but i've been craving it... now i'm drinking a nice big glass of icey soy milk so i can make myself puke..... because i think bulemia sounds like a GREAT diet plan. i'm also listening to the Dixie Chicks... which could help my gag reflex...... COWBOY TAKE ME AWAY!!!!!

HA.... anyways.... i've actually repeated that song like..... 10 times. i like singing it. does that lessen my cool factor? hmm... ;)

but anyways... i seriously HAVE to lose weight... UGH... i don't like fat guys... so that means i should lose some weight... b/c aparently fat people get paired with other fat people. that's what i've learned this past week. i didn't think i was THAT fat but... hey, that's great. now i have 100% more determination to be skinny. Which is why i plan on throwing up that Bueno i ate in a few minutes.

hmmm... ... what other random news do i have for you since my last blog... hmm.... well i have lost like, a couple more pounds. and now i've decided that for every 5 pounds i lose i can order a cd i want from half.com... i've lost about 20-22 pounds so far but i just started the cd thing so anyways.. the first one i ordered (like, 2 days ago.. so i don't have it yet) was Dustin Kensrue. i'm SOOOO excited for it!! he's the lead singer of Thrice but does kinda folky-whatever music on the side... he's pretty a-m-a-z-i-n-g.

i went to a wedding last night and got to see some friends i haven't seen in a long time so that was fun.....

there's this cute guy at work....... we won't go in to detail b/c i shouldn't even look at him until i starve off like, 90 pounds. b/c he's skinny... just like all the other guys i've liked. which apparently means i don't deserve them... or something. ... i'm gonna go throw up those nachos now......

i have 3 barbies i need to be making... i should get on that...

living alone on 2 and a half acres with a garden, 5 cats, and 2 dogs while also working full time wierd hours takes ALL your time.. and then some. no fun. The parentals are never allowed to leave me alone ever again. totally unfair.

My throat hurts.......

Don't waste your heart.... on a wild thing.. she's got a soul that won't settle on one thing. Whoa.. this bird can't sing when you've tied it's wings... don't waste your heart on me. (Dixie Chicks)

My hair is growing! i can't wait til it's super long! i think by this time next year it should be quite long! woo!! as long as no bad hair cuts come my way....

there's a new Project 86 cd and i should probably buy it... to add to my monopoly. but first i'm gonna buy the new Emery cd (my next 5 pounds) b/c Emery is freakin awesome. I've never not liked an Emery song. they are bomb. ... BOMB.

i also need the new House of Heroes and Fray cds... and without a Christian rock station in Tulsa and since i haven't been buying my magazines lately.. i somehow completely missed out on the latest releases from Underoath and mewithoutYou.... so those are also on my list.... along with many MANY others

umm... i still have only read the first chapter of Velvet Elvis.... i need to be disciplined.. really. i have lots of books i have bought and never read. shameful... really. ;)

i have a massive headache. i should probably turn off the Dixie Chicks..... okay... now we've got Thrice... SO much easier to listen to. ... and i just found a drill bit on my floor..... no where near my craft area... interesting.

there are wayyy too many fireworks going off around my house. my poor dog outside is probably about to have a heart attack. Poor little Abigail.

well anyways.... that's about all i have.

go blow something up.... i would but i'm alone so that might be dangerous... i could kill myself and no one would find me for days.... that would be bad.. actually.. since i'd be outside probably some raccoons and oppossums and other filthy creatures would find me and eat my dead decaying carcuss and then no one would ever know what happened and i'd be on one of those missing people's lists.... ;)

okay, bye!

hey look! a post!

I have neglected and abandoned my blog. I'm sorry little bloggie, i apologize.

Anyways... since it's like past 11 and i have to work early tomorrow i figure i might as well spend MORE time on the internet!!!! No self-control i tell ya.... none at all.

But at least i have read a book! LOL. i've had it for.... quite a few months. "The Shack". Very good book. Very sad. But i recommend it!

Now i am reading "Velvet Elvis" which i borrowed from my friend, Jeff, like... WELL over a year ago. I'm one chapter in. So Jeff! You should have your book back in like.. 2 weeks hopefully. :)

I also finally watched Dodgeball. HA. I watched it twice in 2 days. It's pretty amazing. I need my own copy. and Vince Vaughn is very nice looking. Something i never knew before. ;)

I have no guy interests right now.... I did have 2 slight ones but... eh. they got boring. ;) HA.

OH!!! New band loves!! I have always known OF Copeland but never allowed myself to listen to them enough to like them b/c this one creepy guy i used to know LOVED them so i didn't want to LOVE them too b/c that might make me creepy?? LOL! but i said goodbye to that mindset and started listening to them and they are very RAPPPPIDLY becoming a FAVE BAND EVER. Which means i LOVE them. And i don't feel creepy. :D

Ivoryline is also amazing... as is Remedy Drive and Needtobreathe. And Danger Radio. Of course these will never compare to the forever and always lovers of my soul Blindside, Emery, Anberlin, and The Juliana Theory. But they come close!

So... i got a very lovely raise at work a few weeks ago.... and today i had an email about Lancome mascara and it said "Dear Cosmetic Associate, .... OMGZ! like, this mascara is REDIC!" .. okay, no .. it really didn't say that but would that be AWESOME?!?!?!? but it DID say "Dear Cosmetic Associate..." which i find strange being that i work in Children's clothing. So i have a feeling i might be moving to cosmetics soon. I need to ask others if they got that email even if they aren't in cosmetics. I don't know if i would want to be in cosmetics. I mean.. i love make-up! but you have to wear a lot of it down there... and wear all black... and most of them don't seem very nice! I might be scared...... ;)

ANYWAYS... umm.... i'm trying to think about something else to type to waste my time AND yours. ... AHHHH! my mommy and daddy are going on vacation for 2 weeks and i'm gonna be so alone and afraid! I have serious paranoia issues. That robber took a lot more than money from the coffee shop. He took a portion of my joy.. which i have back now. But i don't have my sense of peace and safety anymore. Instead i have paranoia, anxiety, and fear. But we won't talk about that....

I'm about 8 pounds away from 25 pounds lost (so i've lost like, 17). Once i lose those next 8 i am going to put some blonde in my hair. not a lot.. just some peek-a-boos. :D. and then on to 50 pounds!! Then i want to buy an eliptical. I love elipticals!! they're fun! but expensive.. so we'll see.

I have hundreds of photos that i have not edited. I think my love for photography plummeted when my brother decided he should be a photographer too and bought a nice big fancy camera. Now my little digital camera pictures just look like crap to me. oh well... i'll find another talent. Like making obscene barbie dolls!!!

Okay.. i SERIOUSLY should be responsible and go to sleep now. Now i've wasted too much time and can't read another chapter in my book. Geez.... i have an internet addiction.

hollerrrrr

i haven't done a blog in forever. nor have i read anyone elses. so yeah....  and i don't have anything to blog about right now.  so this is merely an entry to recognize that i am not a very diligent blogger.  Maybe tomorrow i'll have something to say. ;)

Random picture post... b/c i feel like it.

Here's me with blonde and black hair! It was so cute except i didn't know about "blonde toning shampoo"... so as soon as my blonde went brassy i changed it.. darn. FeJee mermaid!!!!! haha.

aww....... except that top one kinda looks like a ferby... creeper.

tatooing a pig carcuss...?

baby hippo!!!!

the last two are owl tattoos b/c one of my fave bands, The Devil Wears Prada, has two guys in it that have really awesome owl tattoos.. couldn't find a good pic online .. i have one at my house though! their owls are awesome. here's some other good ones.. the first one is AMAZING!

OH EM GEE!!! they are so cute!

okay and that's all i have.... i've been sick for 3 days and really have nothing interesting to talk about.. except that i started my jewelry site.. but i already wrote about that on FB.

TRAGIC TRAUMATIC TRAGEDY!!!

My boy is GONE! He is f*ing GONE. Like yesterday is GONE.

I don't know if he quit or got fired or what... i plan to find out hopefully. But i am SOOOOO... not... happy.

Now i could kick myself for never really talking to him. I mean, i'm sure he wouldn't have liked me but.. who knows.. maybe he would have.. if i would have not ignored him.

Someone punch me in the face next time you see me.

:(

Sad, sad, SAD day.

Now i have nothing to look forward to at work. However, my anxiety might be slightly lower... but my depression will be higher. HA. damn.

anyways... i have one day off tomorrow and then work 9 days straight AGAIN... boo. 9 boring boyless days.

:(

My friend Stacy's Dad passed away.
I've known Stacy since 7th grade and i know all she had to go through with her dad's heatlh problems. It will be easier on her family now but i know they are still hurting. Please pray for Stacy and her sister Stephanie and their mom, Sherie.

i've always been paranoid about developing a mental illness...

In the past month or so i have finally like, 120% accepted the fact that i seriously need to be on anti-anxiety meds or anti-depressants... for over a year now i have not, for even a moment, felt at peace, half-way content, or even okay. I am constantly paranoid that something bad is going to happen. Or i think about sad/scarey things constantly and can't make my mind focus on anything else. I cry almost every day.. when i used to only cry one day out of the month (the heaviest PMS day).

So anyways... i need to ask my doctor about that SOON. Sometime's i feel like the world is just going to collapse in on me or explode and there's nothing i can do. I feel frantic a lot. And at night when i hear my furnace humming it sounds like fighter jets coming toward my house to bomb it. PARANOID.

But i don't want my doctor to send me to a therapist or something.. cause that's not what i want. at all. NO. and i dont' have insurance yet... oh well.