Belief.

I was listening to my Flyleaf cd today... one of their songs, "Cassie", is about the girl that got shot in Columbine. The chorus says, "Do you believe in God? Written on a bullet? Say yes to pull the trigger. And Cassie pulled the trigger."...... i used to love that song so much b/c i knew that i would say yes in a fraction of a second.... but today... years later.. when i heard it i just felt awkward. My answer would now be no..... but i wish it was still yes.

insomnia-induced thoughts on life...

it's 1 something in the morning.. i've already tried to go to sleep but can't... so here i am... typing a blog.. and since it's the wee hours of the morning and i'm delirious it WILL be long...

SO.. i've been thinking a lot lately about IF ONLY...

IF ONLY i could go back in time and do things differently.. be a different person, a cooler person, a prettier person... a more accomplished person...

IF ONLY i had more money... i could go to this school, i could get this degree, i could buy this thing i simply can't live without...

IF ONLY i had this talent... had this look...

I've come to realize that i (and most Americans) are NEVER satisfied. with our belongings, our looks, our way of life... nothing. never. We worry about SO MUCH stuff, such vain useless junk...

We worry about which of our 30 or more pairs of shoes will look best with the outfit we are wearing... while someone else worries about how they will get another pair of shoes when their ONLY PAIR they have that they've worn for 3 years straight finally falls apart...

We get upset b/c we pay so much money to go to the doctor and get medicine for our common colds .. while someone else lies on a cot on a dirt floor under a tent, that's called a hospital, dying because they have no money to buy medicine... if it's even available to them.

We sit indecisively in fancy restaraunts deciding which over-priced meal to throw our money away on while people in other countries eat stuff we wouldn't touch. Like pumpkins. We may sugar them up and make pie out of them or cut them up during the holidays and stick a light inside them... what would people from other countries think of that?? People who rely on pumpkins to survive.. they eat them... they don't have ovens to make them tasty.. they just break them open and eat them. i would GAG. but they are considered lucky if they have some to grow. they are also considered lucky if they have a backbreaking or completely monotonous job that they do all day to make what would amount to pennies...

We stand in the hot shower for 10-30 minutes while some people have to walk 10 to 30 miles to get safe drinking water...

We envy others who have larger houses than ours.. while many have no house at all.

We get annoyed with our family members while millions are left orphaned because all their family members have died....

We pity ourselves and keep tally of what we DON'T have instead of looking at what we DO have.... we take SO MUCH for granted..

just something to think about...

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i feel like, so BLAH today...

my back hurts SO bad.. last night i could hardly sleep i think b/c my back is so ... uncomfortable. i think i need my ribs popped back into place..

anyways...

my hair is fixed. it's very short, texturized, thinned, and shaggy. a little too short in some areas but.. it'll grow! and i have ALMOST all my natural color now.. there is some areas with the icky faded blackness at the ends still... but its over-all appearance is lighter.

SO... so far we know that 2 girls from juniors and 3 (of my FAVORITES) from childrens are going to Mens in 2 weeks... and so far i am going nowhere. fun..... :( it makes me sad... like i'm not doing good enough to move yet.... aggrivating. oh well.. i guess they can't move us all. then they'd have no one. psh.....

OH!!! i have been fiding some great things at work.. like, lost and found things... there has been a single earring up there for awhile so i finally took it b/c obviously no one's gonna claim it.... it's really pretty.. i'm gonna make it into a pendant for a necklace... and then sell it. hahaha. and last night i found a package of Bubbalicious LIP BALMS! it had 2 each of Original Bubble gum flavor, Cotton Candy, and Watermelon. so since i found them i kept one of each and then let 2 of the other girls split the others. joy.. joyness... and then BEST of all..... today i found a red power ranger action figure!!!! my brother's birthday is in April so it is totally getting wrapped up for that.. haha. it made my day...

and i got some beads in the mail today... that is all the beads i am buying until i sell at least like... 3-400 bucks worth of stuff.. seriously... i'm a bead-buying-aholic. it's bad... i'm gonna make a website and sell stuff.. :) yay.

okay well... that's all i have today...

OH!!

one more thing....

i have, twice now, seen THE CUTEST GUY EVER in the foodcourt on my lunch break... both times he was with his girlfriend.... *sigh..* oh well...